I am special needs teacher for autistic children with complex support needs.
I have a diagnosis of sensory processing disorder and Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID). I did not go searching for these diagnosis’s, they found me. I was at a pain management appointment for my chronic neck pain when they were picked up.
I have been this way with food since I was around 5 years old. My ARFID most definitely developed from a trauma with food as a young girl.
I remember the meal that caused this trauma and I was served this dinner every single Tuesday without fail. Back in the 80’s (when I was a young girl), there was no understanding of eating disorders outside of bulimia and anorexia. I was just known as ‘a fussy eater’ in the family.
As a young girl who had a traumatic experience with meat; the gristle, fat and all kinds of stringy stuff in my mouth (it’s actually making me gag just writing about this), I started to do something called classical conditioning.
I took meat out of my diet almost immediately after that experience and as the years went on, I was on high alert for anything that represented that same feeling in my mouth as the meat did in that meal. Vegetables were the next thing to be taken out of my diet and then fruit. By the age of around 10, I had no meat, fruit, milk or veg in my diet.
My mum attempted to take me to the doctors to request help and she was simply told, ‘just offer her the same meal the next day, she’ll eat it when she’s hungry’. Needless to say, my mum tried it once and of course, I did not eat it.
I would have rather starved than put any of those items in my mouth. My parents navigated their way through this without support from anyone actually having an understanding of what I had done with my food and how to support me.
I am now 41 years old and still have ARFID. I eat the same thing every single day and no, I don’t get bored of it. It’s predictable and safe for me to put in my mouth.
My breakfast consists of two lemon madeleines, lunch is a cheese (Tesco’s cheddar only), salad cream and a sandwich thin along with a packet of ready salted crisps followed by my current sweet obsession.
I only ever drink Diet Coke, breakfast lunch, dinner and any other time throughout the day, it will always be Diet Coke. I have had this same diet for roughly 20 years now, possibly longer.
I have obsessions with sweet treats that can last anything from 6 months to 18 months. It is currently milky bar buttons and I will go through approximately two bags a day. I will also go to great lengths to make sure I have both Diet Coke and milky bar buttons each day because without them, I can become very anxious.
My previous obsession was party rings, they lasted for 18 months and I genuinely have no idea what stops me craving these obsessions, I literally wake up one day and I’m done with them.
When I say I’m done, I don’t mean forever, I mean that they will not be touched for 6-18 months again. Safe foods and drinks never get dropped forever, they will always come back, they just aren’t our favourite at that time.
Life can be quite a struggle at times due to society just not having enough understanding or knowledge of conditions like ARFID. Most people think poor eating habits are due to poor parenting. I can tell you now, it’s not!
I have a sister 3 years older than me and she had the same upbringing as I did, the same dinners offered and she is an amazing eater, she loves food, all types of food.
Coupled with having sensory processing disorder and ARFID, food for me does not mean the same thing to most people.
It can create a huge amount of anxiety, particularly when in a restaurant and you are trying your best to just tolerate the food smells and you have people shoving things in your face requesting that you try it and making comments like, you surely aren’t just having that for dinner?
Luckily, I have an amazing group of friends who know my difficulties and just accept what I choose to eat and make no comments but others aren’t as lucky.
Just remember, we like eating the same thing, we are ok with that, so please allow us to just enjoy our meal as much as we allow you to enjoy yours.